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POSITIVE +
Once Upon A Time...
Ian came to "visit my chalet" in Saskatoon, with Alyx and Ming and his
new book in tow. It was the first time that I was really around him being
ill, but he was so full of plans and schemes, I believed it under control.
We joked about who took more pills, me with my endless vitamins and drops...dong
quai, hawthorne, vitamins C, D, E, A, iron, garlic, eye of newt, toe of
frog...and he with the pharmeucopia of HIV.
+ His were so much more photogenic, so much more lethal. +
They were on their cross Canada tour, exploring and loving this great
big mess of a country, blessing their loved ones with their presence.
So of course we had to take a momentous side trip out to my home town,
Wishart Saskatchewan, where my family showed them the greatest hospitality...of
this I have to admit I was a bit worried. How would my two farmer brothers,
and my 72 year old Catholic mom Olga react to this wildly out couple?
And they did me proud. I took my Mom aside, and explained that they were
not, in fact, just roommates. She shrugged, and said "oh, there have always
been bachelors..." And then I told her that Ian had the Big Disease. Her
sad eyes that have seen so much, my father dying, my two brothers too,
filled with tears, and she said "that poor man, so young...and so nice..."
Yeah. That's right.
Back in Saskatoon, Ian and I talked about collaborating on a website,
with his text and me doing graphics and authoring. I had already proposed
that we go to the Banff Centre together, to work on it the following spring.
He was thrilled and later he told me how bizarre it was to make plans
for the next six months. I didn't think about that too much, until later...
On their way back to Montreal, I had already moved to Calgary, and they
came to see me there, too. Ian was not sleeping well, tired, coughing
alot, and Alyx was visibly strained. This I put to the stress of travelling
for so long. I had confirmed our being able to go in residence together
at Banff, and we went for coffee to discuss our future shenanigans. This
is what keeps me from sleeping. We ordered the same overpriced oversweet
overrich coffee thing and Ian offered me the rest if his. I didn't want
it, really I didn't. Or was I just worried about drinking from the same
cup.
This is what keeps me from sleeping. That fall, I was in Montreal and
Ian invited me out to his family's country home, in the north of Quebec.
I declined, and I can't imagine why... But we talked about our plans together,
it was good to make these long term plans but it was obviously hard for
him to concentrate, and I was beginning to get very afraid.
Spring comes quickly on the prairies and Feburary found me desperately
trying to get Ian to decide when he could join me in Banff. We discussed
how it should look, what should and shouldn't be in the site, what sorts
of images to use, and how, and so on, but I thought he was being a bit
non-committal. It was Helene who finally told me that he was in fact hospitalized,
seriously ill, and blind.
Can i tell you how my heart stopped. This is it, this is really it...
In the face of this, I went to Banff to start the project, thinking I
would go to Montreal immediately after my three week residency there.
Then i could "show" Ian what I had done, and get more feedback. So I beavered
away, got Annie to send me the ASCII files, Alyx to send me the pills
Ian was taking, Ian to talk about what he doing/thinking while writing
the work, and so on and so on. In
Once upon a time, a strange storm hit the little town of Banff and all
of the power was knocked out at the Centre. I had only been there a week,
and my roommate, a photographer, loved to harass me about how computer
geeks like me were at the mercy of the Electric Goddess. And finally after
two days the Centre offered to let me split for a week as I could do no
work there.
The next day I flew to Montreal and went straight to Ian. I ran into David
Campbell outside the Royal Vic, and he tried to prepare me...thank you.
But Ian looked great and called me sweetie, we laughed it up. The next
day, he fell asleep in the midst of us talking. The next I read to him,
but he obviously couldn't concentrate. The next Patrice and I just held
his hands, and Alyx finally cried... The next day he didn't know who I
was The next day Alyx and I changed him, rubber gloves to hold this man
I loved The next day I was leaving, and said goodbye, thanked his mother
for bringing him to us. And the next day he died.
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